I still remember when I used to casually respond to my mother’s urging while playing games: ‘Wait a moment.’

Waiting for ‘this moment’ seemed like a kind of magic, as if it could reach unseen distances, yet it also seemed to stop abruptly under my father’s anger.

However, this inadvertent phrase has slowly seeped into my present self. Whenever I say ‘wait a moment,’ I seem to feel that I’m not truly committed to resolving the situation. I can’t help but wait for just a little longer, whether it’s about whether the activity will proceed as planned or if the project will progress as scheduled.

In order to break this year-after-year procrastination, I have successfully developed a habit of reading in recent years, starting to gradually complete a small piece of reading every day without realizing it. Today, I happened to learn from the book ‘Hidden Potential’ that procrastination is not a problem of time management.

Let’s agree on this: if you start to procrastinate, it’s not because you’re a bad person, lazy, or lack a sense of time.You simply want to avoid the feelings associated with the task, even though you know that procrastination leads to worse outcomes. But your emotions will still drag you from being the task machine who executes everything perfectly in your mind to the point of ‘I’ll do it later.’ I can only say that I often have this feeling, even I would say every day.

The method I’m currently using to combat procrastination is actually the one I used to find least acceptable.

In the past couple of days, I took stock of my reading endeavors in 2023 and discovered that I had completed a total of 19 books. On one hand, there’s a sense of accomplishment in achieving such a substantial reading feat. On the other hand, I encountered a dilemma in the latter half of the year, feeling a lack of interest and motivation in my reading journey.

Generally, I’m open to acquiring new concepts and ideas, a habit that has fueled my love for reading. However, as I needed to enhance my English proficiency last year, my reading goals shifted from merely seeking “new knowledge” to a combination of “new knowledge” and “language learning.” This was initially successful, evident in my ability to smoothly read scripts in English games by the year-end, showcasing the undeniable benefits of language learning.

However, in the latter part of the year, I found reading to be uninteresting and lacked the drive to complete books. The initial excitement of learning new knowledge seemed to have faded.

Recently, I’ve found myself in a bit of a rut. While it’s the same lack of motivation as usual, this time I’m facing a problem I haven’t encountered before.

I’m actually feeling a bit lost when it comes to reading.

This is something that hasn’t happened before because I usually can seamlessly transition from one book to the next. With the recent habit of keeping records, I’ve even been able to complete two or three books each month, a level of achievement I couldn’t reach before.

So, what happened this time?

In reality, I’m not entirely sure. It could be due to the fact that, because of the record-keeping, I find myself putting more effort into recalling the connections between books, gradually creating a sense of hindrance. Or perhaps it’s because I’m too eager to finish a book, using it as a way to appreciate my glorious achievement and attain a sense of psychological satisfaction.

But, ultimately, this thing is no longer driven by curiosity or, should I say, the purpose has gradually shifted. I’m starting to feel the pressure, slowing down my pace. Although I’m still relentless, reading at least five pages of a book every day, hoping to gradually find my purpose.

A few days ago, I was listening to the Reading Outpost introducing “30 Challenges for Time Management” and interviewing the author - Esor from Computer Tech Station. He talked about not fighting procrastination; procrastination is an emotion. Understand yourself and use your procrastination to gradually accomplish things.

Then, starting today, I began reading it and came across a passage where the author wrote: