Do important things or focus on being valuable?

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Recently, I’ve found myself in a bit of a rut. While it’s the same lack of motivation as usual, this time I’m facing a problem I haven’t encountered before.

I’m actually feeling a bit lost when it comes to reading.

This is something that hasn’t happened before because I usually can seamlessly transition from one book to the next. With the recent habit of keeping records, I’ve even been able to complete two or three books each month, a level of achievement I couldn’t reach before.

So, what happened this time?

In reality, I’m not entirely sure. It could be due to the fact that, because of the record-keeping, I find myself putting more effort into recalling the connections between books, gradually creating a sense of hindrance. Or perhaps it’s because I’m too eager to finish a book, using it as a way to appreciate my glorious achievement and attain a sense of psychological satisfaction.

But, ultimately, this thing is no longer driven by curiosity or, should I say, the purpose has gradually shifted. I’m starting to feel the pressure, slowing down my pace. Although I’m still relentless, reading at least five pages of a book every day, hoping to gradually find my purpose.

A few days ago, I was listening to the Reading Outpost introducing “30 Challenges for Time Management” and interviewing the author - Esor from Computer Tech Station. He talked about not fighting procrastination; procrastination is an emotion. Understand yourself and use your procrastination to gradually accomplish things.

Then, starting today, I began reading it and came across a passage where the author wrote:

“Many friends have asked me, ‘You seem to have a sense of accomplishment in writing a blog. Should I set a goal to start a blog too?’ At this point, I would answer them, do you think writing a blog is an important or unimportant thing? The usual answer is, ‘It seems valuable.’ It’s like many people seeing someone else’s success, thinking sports seem valuable, reading seems valuable, and doing something seems valuable.”

In fact, none of these things are valuable until we complete them ourselves.

This passage made me reflect on a few questions:

1. Is writing a blog important?
2. Is programming important?
3. Is having a job important?
4. Is providing a tabletop gaming service that can help others important?

This sentence made me reconsider that completing valuable things is the external framework I’ve always wanted to create, even though it doesn’t entirely conflict with my inner self. Yet, it seems that external incentives are always greater than internal ones.

Also, because of this, I began to understand why I’ve recently lost interest in programming. Even though I’m still very interested in studying the details of programming, just like the process of learning the guitar, I gradually turned into someone who wants to accomplish something “valuable” rather than because I think this thing is important and interesting in my life, so I want to continue.

Although I’m not sure how long this reflection will last before I forget it, I’ll try to write down this sentiment in my notes. In moments of hesitation, I’ll light a lamp for myself, looking towards a bright path.